


For Your Clarity

by ThereAreMomentsIWonder



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Romance, how adult deal with things, olicity - Freeform, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereAreMomentsIWonder/pseuds/ThereAreMomentsIWonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hasn't been sleeping properly since they came back from Central City.  She can't help but wonder of it has to do with the nothing that was quite clearly something when it happened but he seemed to have found some sort of peace with it at the time so she let it go. Sometimes being a good teammate is to just keep showing up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Your Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It has probably been 4 years since I've written anything. But 4x9 stirred something and I needed to write, not a fix it fic, but a continuation of the story. TV is a magical medium that is a perpetual story telling machine so what we saw on Wednesday is obviously not the end of that particular thread they pulled. This is my offering of a mature adult way to resolve it before the writers completely blow it.

He hasn't been sleeping properly since they came back from Central City. Well at least not properly for him, but he's gotten better over the months together only tossing and turning occasionally in the throes of a nightmare. She can't help but wonder of it has to do with the nothing that was quite clearly something when it happened but he seemed to have found some sort of peace with it at the time so she let it go.

 

Sometimes being a good teammate is to just keep showing up.

 

It's the fourth night she's woken up a little after 4 am because he's giving up for the night and is going to go work out before she wakes. He's just sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over head in his hands, not making any progress though.

 

Stretching one hand out she runs her hand over the expanse of burn scar that she knows is there even if he is just a humanoid shape. The sharp inhale in reaction, he always knows when she wakes up and he wasn’t even aware, is what solidifies that there's really something going on.

 

"I know you said it was nothing, but it really seems to be bothering you." He captures her trailing hand and rolls back into bed with her tangling their fingers as he comes close enough that she can make out his facial features. His eyes are sunken, cheeks hollow, she aches to soothe the hurt in any way that she can.

 

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere but I can't help you if you don't tell me."

 

He gasps, his chest rattling as he wraps himself around her, body shaking with each gasping sob. "It's ok, whatever it is. It's ok, we'll figure it out but I can't help if I don't know."

 

"It's not my secret to tell." He pulls back just enough that his eyes are sparkling with fear of whatever the unsaid thing is.

 

"But there is something?"

 

He can't even speak, just nodding slowly, he's making his body small shoulders rolling in on themselves. Nothing scares Oliver accept the idea of losing her. "You'll tell me when you can?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Ok

 

Early morning weighs in the room as he pulls her closer inhaling deeply from beside her neck. Ask her finger comb through the hair on the side of his neck.

 

His breathing has evened out not sleeping but also not racking sobs that were plaguing him earlier when  "Our lives depend on keeping secrets,"  tumbles from her mouth unbidden into the silence where it hangs unanswered.

 

* * *

 

The manifestation of their early morning conversation seems to be silence. For both of them. Laurel actually asks her why she's been so quiet one day when they get to the lair ahead of everyone else. She doesn't know what to tell her friend.

 

Oliver's being quiet. Not distant, he’s physically and mentally there, just quiet. And she's drawing to her limit and is about to demand some answers when he wakes her early one morning. "I'm going down to Central City"

 

"Did Barry call?"  Why else would he go?

 

He kisses her forehead. "No, I have to go see to something. But when I get home I'll tell you all about it."

 

"Promise." She can just make out the blue of his eyes without her glasses, he looks relieved somehow, "you've been so quiet."

 

"Promise.” With a brush of his lips and stubble across her forehead he stands to leave, “I love you Felicity, don't ever question that"

 

"Ok say hi to team flash,” she says against her pillow drifting off again.

 

* * *

 

It’s barely after two when he calls and asks her to come home. That worries her more than anything. The entire time she’s known Oliver they’ve never had a serious conversation in the light of day, it has more to do with their night time activities, but still her point stands. Never in the light of day has he asked for a conversation.

 

So she leaves work.

 

When she opens the door to the loft she finds Oliver pacing and Barry sitting on the couch just watching him. Barry notices her presence first, “Hey, he just asked for a lift home. But I didn’t think that I should leave him until you got here.” He stands shrugging his shoulders, “I think I’ll go now though.”

 

He’s a blur before she even gets a word out in thanks.

 

She drops her purse and coat on the sofa crossing to him. “Oliver?”

 

“Hey, I didn’t want to wait, I wanted to come home. I wanted to tell you so I asked Barry to bring me back.”

 

“He said. Oliver what did you need to tell me so urgently.”

 

Oliver shakes his head before dropping it blowing out a hard breath. “Let me make you coffee.”

 

“I don’t know that hot liquids right before you break up with me are the way to go.”

 

His eyes go wide as he looks at her, “I’m not, I’m not breaking up with you.”

 

“Ok then just tell me.”

 

“Sit?”

 

“Sofa or table?” She tilts her head in each direction.

 

“The table, let's do the table.”

 

“Ok” she soothes stroking a hand down his arm giving the meat of his hand a quick squeeze before obliges making her way to the dining room table.

 

He follows pulling out the chair next to kitty corner to her sinking into his sit but still rolling his fingers with a desperate need to release some energy. But still not saying anything.

 

“Oliver start at the beginning,” she coaches trying not to snap.

 

The tears lining his eyes bring tears to hers an echo of his distress. But instead of saying anything he reached into his pocket and pulls out a ring box setting it on the table, between them. The sharp inhale of air must of been her even though she feels like she can’t breath. “This is your’s, has been since the day you said you’d leave Starling with me. But I can’t ask you until I tell you something.”

 

He’s stunned her speechless. She can’t nod she’s just staring at the little black box on the table.

 

“You know...” He chokes on his words and takes a deep breath willing them to come again as he looks up at her, “You know before the island I was... I was human scum I think is how you phrased it once.”

 

“You’re not scum,” flies out of her mouth, It’s her instinct to defend him even from himself, even when he’s clearly about to break her heart.

 

He grabs her hand and squeezes it, “Because of you I’m not scum. Make no mistake that before you came into the lair and were lecturing me about they’re being another way and that I could make the world a better place I was scum. And that is one of thousands of reasons that that ring is yours. But that’s not the point.”

 

He shifts in his seat, “Maybe six months before the Queen’s Gambit I got a girl pregnant. I didn’t know what to do with that, but before I even had a chance to make a decision she called and said that she had lost the baby.”

 

His chest heaves and she squeezes his hand in comfort. ”When Barry and I were at jitters two weeks ago a 8 year boy old ran into me, and then ran up to her.”

 

She know’s she’s stopped breathing she can feel her chest getting tighter the longer she goes. “Felicity he’s mine.”

 

The dust motes in the sunlight is the only thing that move, neither of them really know what to say in that moment.

 

“I went to see Samantha, that’s her name, and ask to met him and she told me that I couldn’t tell anyone including you. And I just wanted a chance to met my son so I agreed but I couldn’t keep it from you.”

 

He scrubs his hands over his face in panic. “So I went down there today,” picking up the ring box and slamming it on the table in frustration, “and I took this to explain how important it was that I tell you, because you are the single most important person in my life.”

 

She collapses back into the chair, just studying his tight posture and blood shot eyes. “What’s his name?”

 

“William,” he chokes on a watery laugh, “he worships the Flash.”

 

She cracks a watery smile, “Being less broody tends to get kids to love you.” Flipping her hand over to tangle their fingers together, “Oliver, what did she say today?”

 

A tear finally escapes his eye, “That if I ever wanted to see my son again I still wouldn’t tell you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.”  
  


“But you’re telling me anyway?”

 

“Our lives depend on our ability to keep secrets, from everyone else.” He inhales deeply, pins his sparkling blues on hers, “I can’t keep them from you.”

 

“Ok then.”

 

“Ok?”

 

“I don’t really know what else to say, Oliver. You have a son and you’ve known for a couple of weeks, and I would be mad at you for lying to me. But I’ve watching it tear you up for the last two weeks. So I’ll I’ve got is, OK.”

 

“And then there’s this, which I have to hand it to you, this was probably the best way to start this conversation.” She picks up the black felt box and hands it back to him. “Next time I only want tears of joy when you pull this box out, other tears will not be tolerated.”

 

“And William?”  
  


“Well if you don’t think I’m not going have his school files, immunizations records, and every other bit of information about him the internet has to offer in the next 20 minutes then you don’t know me very well.” She stands now, crossing to him and crawling into his lap, “But you are not scum,” she pokes him in the chest, “you are a wonderful human that has seen more terrible things than you deserve and that little boy deserves the chance to know you. I’m not going to let one woman’s bizarre claim that you not tell anyone prevent that from happening. So William will stay between us and we’ll figure out how to change that together”

 

His watery laugh, is music to her ears, “I don’t deserve you.”

 

“Yes you do, you definitely do.” She kisses him hard.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, seriously it means the world to me. Who knows maybe I'll be inspired to write more in the future, hopefully get better as I get back into the practice of it.


End file.
